Monday, May 23, 2016
Last Thursday I received an email with a reply I wasn't expecting (a rejection on a project I was so hopeful for). My husband had been out of town for forever and the kids were at their worst. I still had to write 5 more pages for my MFA workshop submission and revise all 20 pages before sending them off. My Rosario Central team lost on the quarter finals of Copa Libertadores de America on the very last second. I was tasting the victory on the tip of my tongue! And then all I had was bitterness. I'd been without a phone since the week before (still no phone), and it was my parents' 39th wedding anniversary. It was stormy and dreary outside, and my dad called me because of course he can't call my mom. After his "Hola, hija," we both cried wordlessly and silently on either side of the phone, until one of us was more recovered and made a comment about the weather and plans for an asado on Sunday.
On Friday, however, I finished my workshop piece. Panda Bear and his best from preschool wanted a picnic before friend's trip, and we went to the park. Panda, friend, friend's mom and I had a wonderful time although the day was blustery and gray. I pretended the wind was lifting the burden off of my shoulders. My little stressors were nothing when seen one by one (except missing my mom. That's a huge cloud of grief I can't ever shake off), but all of them combined made my knees buckle. So after the picnic and because Panda Bear was sobbing about his friend's leaving for two weeks, I drove us to Kneaders for a treat. "I need the chocolatiest thing you have," I told the girl at the drive-through. She could only offer me the chocolate dome but a one serving chocolate dome wasn't what I had in mind.
So I asked my friend and my kids' babysitter C. to bring me the Costco chocolate cake on her way to our house for the usual Friday night craziness. The chocolate cake from Costco that I've usually referred to as the everlasting cake. It's rich and empalagosa and it never, ever ends.
"What's the occasion?" C. asked.
"Life," I said, "We're celebrating that we lived another week and that it was worth it."
I never reward myself with food. Lately my bribe and motivation to work and workout is an episode of Grand Hotel, but I needed chocolate. My mom said that after the birth of each of her children, she always craved chocolate. It might have been the severe anemia she had all her life. In any case, she never got the cake because she would've had to bake it and with a new baby, she never had the time. So in her honor, I got the cake, watched Lin-Manuel Miranda's wonderful UPenn commencement speech that my lovely agent Linda sent me, and I watched it while I had some máte and ate my cake, just a piece, mind you, that thing must be worth at least 10,000 calories. The thing is I hardly ever celebrate because there's always something super important going on and the celebration can wait. So I ate my cake, celebrating that we made it to the end of the school year and soccer, my scholarship from SCBWI, the end of my 3rd semester and critical thesis, and life. I'm celebrating that I'm alive and that I still feel (I feel everything too much). Sometimes chocolate cake is the best remedy in the world. Here's the link to Lin-Manuel's speech, in case you need some encouragement too. And here's the transcript. I printed it out to read every morning:
Thursday, April 07, 2016
But that school visit was a turning point in my life. Now, in the midst of the whole diversity revolution, everyone talks about the problem of the lack of representation in media, especially children's books. I'm a huge supporter of the We Need Diverse Books organization. They've been a great support to me too. Remember this?
In an effort to do my part in this revolution for more diversity, I wrote a short essay giving my opinion of why we need diverse books. Why do YOU think we need diversity in books?
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Today marks the nineteenth anniversary of this arrival, this new chapter in my life. I always thought that once I hit this mark, I could say that that I was half Argentine and half American. I spent the first half of my life in the same city, my beautiful Rosario. Half of my life in this country, most of it in Utah, but also in North Carolina and even Puerto Rico. But today I'm surprised to say I don't feel like half of anything. The parts that make me who I am aren't parts at all. They're wholes too. A soul can't be cut up into pieces (with the exception of Voldemort, and we all know how he ended up).
As a child, I always knew what I wanted: to go to college and be someone important. I loved stories and books. I wrote my first story when I was eight, a couple of years after my grandfather died. His death hit me so hard I still cry when I think of him. He always wanted to fly in an airplane, and he spoke of his Palestinian father like he had been a prince, exiled to Argentina because of war and poverty. I wrote my first story trying to deal with his departure.
I didn't consider myself a writer though.
I wanted to be an astronaut all the way into my late teen years. I've always loved science and the stars. I still do. How I miss my Southern Cross and the Tres Marias! To become an astronaut I knew I had to study in the US because NASA is here. My parents supported this dream, and I spent most of my youth teaching myself English and studying for the US college admission tests (SAT and TOEFL). I arrived carrying two small suitcases that contained all I could afford to bring. I had only two pairs of pants and a few shirts. Two dresses for church. A Rosario Central jersey. A hand knitted sweater that my mom made for me and that I still keep. Her hands made it and I can't part with it, even after all these years. A green woolen jacket that was just warm enough to keep me warm in the late Utah winter.
I didn't experience culture shock when I arrived, and I credit the army of friends that became my family and helped me ease into this culture. The US was all that I expected it to be. It was just like in the movies. The internet was just started to be a "thing" and home wasn't so far when I could look up my home in Yahoo. As time passed I would learn more about this beautiful place. Its wonderful opportunities that allowed a person like me to arrive with nothing more than a desire to progress and a tremendous will to learn and learn. I also found out about struggles that I hadn't expected, like how the color of my skin and my accent could be fascinating to some people, unacceptable to others. I learned about the physical pain of homesickness. No one had told me that this homesickness for Argentina, for Rosario, for my family would never completely go away, but that in fact would become stronger as I got older. Even when years later my whole family joined me in Utah or when I visited Argentina, I never stopped missing my life in my barrio. The experiences we have in our childhood and youths mark as forever. I haven't been a Catholic for years and years, but the songs from the mass, memories of my first Communion flash in my mind in April, when the world is blooming into Spring. Except that for me, April feels like early October. Although I've spent half of my life in the Northern Hemisphere, my body's internal clock is in sync with the South. In the Spring and Fall I never know what day it is if I don't look at a calendar. In December, I'm ready for a long, rejuvenating break. I love white Christmases, but I love even more the smell of Christmas Eve in the Summer, that combination of jasmine flowers and fireworks. The sounds of the crickets and frogs serenading all night, the distant ever-playing music somewhere in el barrio. I miss the daily bread and the smell of La Virginia's coffee perfuming Avenida Alberdi on my way to school. I miss my friends and laughing with them. I miss the river Paraná and Summer storms. Sometimes when I go back to Roasrio, I think I see my mom walking back from work, my sister talking with her friends in la plaza, or my brothers playing fútbol in the empty lot.
But when I go back I don't feel completely at home either. My mom isn't there anymore. There's a new apartment complex where the boys played fútbol. Even my bus line has changed. It's not the 108 anymore. After a few days in Rosario, I miss the organization of my Utah home, the cleanliness, and order. Sleeping without worrying about anyone entering my house in the middle of the night. Some things are the same. I still get nervous when I see a uniformed police officer. Some reactions are coded in our DNA, and I was born at the cusp of the dictatorship in the seventies.
My life is a life of dilemmas: My brother still lives in Rosario with his family, and when it's time to say goodbye, my heart stays with them. After a few days in Rosario, I'm always ready to come back to my house in Utah, and in my heart I love to hear the words "Welcome Home" from the immigration officer at the airport because this is my home now. But so is Rosario. So I'm not half and half of anything. I'm fully Argentine--I know in the American citizenship oath it says everyone renounces to their original country. But really. How could I renounce to who I am? And at the same time I love being an American citizen. But I'm still that girl from Rosario. I love my city even more after all these years, after so many thousands kilometers that I've traveled away from it. And although I haven't lived in Rosario for so long, I visit it every day, when I write my stories. I walk its streets, chant in the stadium, or sit in the balcony to watch the boys playing fútbol. I'm forever in between my home then and my home now, and I've made my peace with this, with my heart fully in two places.
|Not the best picture, but it's the last picture we took before I left for the airport|
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Tuesday, January 05, 2016
|The View from my dorm last year|
I'm always saying time flies by, that the years are so short, and how in the world have my children grown so much! My baby is three and a half for crying out loud! Well, I'll say it again: time does fly. It's almost time for my VCFA residency number three, which kicks off critical thesis semester, and I'm so grateful I took the plunge to send in my application and embark on his wonderful program!
As I'm procrastinating on gift wrapping for Three Kings, here's my packing list of MUST-HAVES in a Vermont winter residency. Besides normal scarves, gloves, pens, notebooks, I'm adding stuff that makes the 10 days in the Vermont cold more bearable.
- An electric blanket. Seriously. Last year the heater went out in our dorms, and the only way I survived was with the help of my blanket.
- A bathrobe. We get towels in the dorms, but they're small. If you don't want to risk getting your clothes wet, bring a robe so you don't freeze on the long walk from the shower to your room.
- A hot water bottle. I'm a wimp. I know. I thought that after 19 dry Utah winters and 19 Argentine wet winters, I'd be used to the cold, but no. I hate it.
- A pair of comfy shoes so you don't have to wear your boots everywhere.
- Quarters for laundry. There are washers and dryers that are coin operated. I brought detergent last year, but no coins. I'll be prepared this time.
- A cup/bottle for hot chocolate/tea. In fact, instead of sipping water, I sipped unsweetened herbal teas to keep warm throughout the day.
- Flip flops for the showers. Dorm showers. Enough said.
- Keurig cups for coffee drinkers, or the hot chocolate/tea kind. There are Keurigs all over campus. If you care about the environment though, regular tea bags will do :-)
- Hot pockets to put inside your gloves. (Do you see a theme? I'm only concerned with being warm)
- Hair dryer.
- Lots of hand sanitizer/wipes. Let's keep the germs at bay. Also, Emergen-C or Airborne tablets (or OnGuard oil).
Monday, November 09, 2015
Today was the first time I posted, and I chose Antonio Machado's Wayfarer, There's No Path. It has always resonated with me, even when I first heard it at school when I was a little kid.
Caminante no hay camino, se hace camino al andar...
Is your footprints and no other.
Wayfarer, there is no way.
Make your way by going farther.
By going farther, make your way
Till looking back at where you've wandered,
You look back on that path you may
Not set foot on from now onward.
Wayfarer, there is no way;
Only wake-trails on the waters.
the road and nothing more;
wanderer, there is no road,
the road is made by walking.
Walking makes the road,
and turning to look behind
you see the path that you
will never tread again.
Wanderer, there is no road,
only foam trails on the sea.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
This was my reaction:
Here's the official We Need Diverse Books announcement, and the Publishers' Weekly press release.
After the adrenaline, I'll go back to the keyboard and the word count, so this book can come alive!
Thank you to all my mentors, teachers, friends, and family because without their support, I would have never been able to keep going when the writing gets tough!
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
I was hesitant to come to Istanbul because of the unrest in the neighboring countries. Istanbul hasn't been affected, but everyone I talked with about the situation said how deeply worried they are about the refugees. Things that have struck me the most about the Turkish people have been:
- The respect for other cultures and religions. Religions co-exist in harmony and respect. How far is our country from this! We still have so much to learn!
The Blue Mosque Inside the Blue Mosque. I look like a local :-)
Posing with a soldier at the Palace
Jeff at the market's entrance
- People are so, so well educated. They're courteous and attentive. They're so smart! Like in pretty much all of Europe, they speak more than two, three, and even four languages. I made sure I know how to say at least "Thank you" in Turkish instead of expecting everyone to speak English. I'm in their country, for the love! But to my utter surprise and delight, a lot of people speak Spanish.
- The know how to cheer for their soccer team. We went to the Champions League opener game between Galatasaray and Atletico Madrid, and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.
|Cheering for each player|
- They're serving sizes are appropriate. The soda I got at the stadium equaled the child's size in the US.
- the respect for animals. There are cats roaming all over town, and they seem well taken care of and fed. Our tour guide told me today that the government controls the animal population, by placing micro-chip in their ears and making sure they're healthy. Yesterday, this beautiful mama cat sat by me in my first outing into Istanbul, by the Bosphorus.
- There are so many libraries and bookshops. I have zero knowledge of Turkish music, literature, or art. I'm determined to learn more.
Today we had a private guide to the old city, and he took us to a carpet weaving store. Of course, immediately after we entered the store, we had about five people wanting to sell us a carpet. They're gorgeous, those carpets. But we hadn't planned on buying any, so we didn't. But the store people sure tried. The "boss" came and talked to us and was actually super nice. His name was Gengis and his ringtone was from "The Godfather." I loved it! You can't make stuff like this up. Real life is crazy, and beautiful, and weird!
I'm ready to explore more of this wonderful city. Now I'm going to snuggle with my kindle and The Historian, which I read a long time ago, but I'm in the mood for some vampire stories. See you tomorrow!
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
I crawled to the end of the school year. My poor children. On the very last day Joaquin said he had no clean uniform, so he was just going to wear street clothes because what is the worst that could happen? So he wore street clothes, and nothing happened, and then I spend the next four days doing laundry (the last time I did laundry, by the way, so I guess I'll spend the next four days doing laundry again). But I finished and I'm so happy with my progress. Not only did I submit my packet, my end of semester materials, but also my short stories and poems that I wrote for Imagine Learning, and revisions for my agent. I'm still letting the revisions simmer before I turn them in to her to make sure they make sense and it's not all just a figment of my imagination :-)
This week I'm attending WIFYR (Writing and Illustrating for Young Readers) which is one of my two favorite writers' conferences ever. It's the first one I ever attended, seven years ago when I started getting serious about being a writer, when I had a couple of manuscripts and wanted to learn what to do to make them readable and publishable. Those two will never see the light of day, but how grateful I am that I wrote them. That conference I met Martine Leavitt for the first time and my life changed forever. Dandi Daley Mackall was the keynote speaker, and I remember her telling a story about a person who goes to Heaven in her dream and visits the Library. The walls of the enormous building covered with books, and yet, so many people wrote and wrote. An angel told her they wrote spiritually the books that were needed on Earth, and that they were just waiting for writers to sit down, get the inspiration sent from Heaven, and put into paper the books the world was waiting for so desperately. I've always loved that image of my stories just waiting for me to listen so they can be born.
Yesterday at WIFYR, Julie Berry (THE Julie Berry) spoke about the four pillars of her writing journey: commitment, believing, love, and listening.
She said it's the writers' duty to sit down and listen, and put the gift of inspiration down on paper. Later ugly first drafts will get cleaned up and polished on revision, but if stop listening, noticing, and writing, there will be nothing to clean up, no creation.
Yesterday Argentina played in Copa America against our rivals and brothers the Uruguay team. What a difficult game! So ugly and thick! So dense and violent. But there were the usual bursts of brilliance by my favorite guy, Leo Messi. We ended up winning, and later my husband posted this Messi quote on Facebook;
I don't intend to be an overnight success, although this semester I had a wonderful shower of good news (writing on commission, the New Visions Honor, my brand new agent), surviving semester 1 at VCFA. It was just a coincidence that my plants all sprouted at the same time, after years of work and commitment, believing, loving, and listening. But I still have so much to grow as a writer. My plants still need watering and nurturing and work.
So my kids are still sleeping and I woke up earlier than I have in a long time to have some quiet writing time, and I feel better than ever. Especially because there will be more amazing classes in the afternoon. If you're attending WIFYR, come say hello! I love meeting new friends.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
|I love them!|
Although I have an agent and my manuscript won the New Visions Honor, and I'm doing the MFA through the Vermont College of Fine Arts, I'm passionate about learning my craft and becoming better and better every day. This conference is chock full of wonderful classes for writers in every stage of the journey: newbie to experienced. I'm almost done packing for the conference. See my pretty business cards?
This year is extra especial for me because my son, my Gorgeous Boy, is coming along. I'm so looking forward to spending time with him and so many wonderful friends! Martine Leavitt is presenting a class and although I'll be in a workshop with her this summer, I can't waste this chance to learn from her!
If you'll be at Storymakers, say hi. I love meeting new friends, and although I'm an introvert, I love talking about books, soccer, and dance. I hope to see you there!
Friday, May 08, 2015
|I'll be studying here this summer!|
|I earn the silver medal for the Honor! Isn't it|
a gorgeous design?
Again, I'm reeling with happiness and gratitude! And then on Tuesday, Barcelona won 3-0 against Bayern Munich, and Messi did this!
Isn't it a work of art? And then I found some audio from Polanco, one of my favorite ESPN commentators. Even if you don't understand the language, the emotion with which he talks about this goal reflects how I feel about signing with an agent, winning the Honor, and making it into Bath Spa!
My dear friends, my cup runneth over. I'm so humbled by all the words of support during these years trying to achieve these goals! I expect many trials ahead. My road in this writing career is just starting! I'm so excited to keep working and writing books and sharing my stories with the world. I only have a tiny Mother's Day wish: to be able to call my mom and tell her my wonderful news. I can't do that anymore. I just hope that she's smiling in Heaven, celebrating these goals that are also hers. Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful women who make this world a wonderful place and who made these dreams of mine come true!
Friday, May 01, 2015
|He's like, "Thank you, angels!!! We made it alive!"|
He did get it for me as an early mother's day, and I was thrilled, because--hello!--isn't it gorgeous? On my trial ride I did okay. When my Princess Peach wanted to hop on (there is room for 4! people), I just couldn't take the curve, and fell. From then on, we all decided I'd only take Baby Hulk until I became more comfortable with the bike. After much hesitation, Baby Hulk agreed to get back on the bike (Do Not Fall, MOM!), and today is Friday, so here are some of my thoughts as I climbed the hillS up to my house.
- The hardest thing is to start. I know I'll have to face The Climb at the end, and I dread it so very much.
- BUT: Riding a bike is one of my favorite things ever. When I first jump on it and we ride down the hill? WEEEEEEEEeeeeeee! What a thrill! It feels so wonderful! The wind on my face. My legs hardly pumping because we're going downhill. Before I know it, we're there at the preschool, and we have to wait a few minutes before going in because we're so early.
- An easy downhill hill gives you a push for when you have to start climbing. Sometimes I have wonderful writing days, and I take advantage of them and write all the words because I know I'll reach a point where I'll need the extra cushioning of being ahead in the game.
- Even when it's hard, do not stop! You'll fall. It's okay to go slowly. But don't stop! Unless you get off the bike first. Sometimes it's not the best idea to first draft, write two critical essays, and write a brand new especial free lance project. Sometimes I have to get off the bike of one of my many mom-roles or I'll fall and hurt myself badly. I have fallen, hard, and I don't recommend it.
- Learn how to fall to minimize damage. Sometimes a project is non-viable. Put it away. Return to it later or use it as a learning experience. There are no wasted workouts!
- Wear a helmet. In writing, more than a helmet you need an armor, especially to protect your heart. I've let myself be excessively aware of my shortcomings as a writer and given more importance to other people's critiques than I should have. It's okay to take criticism. It's vital! Just don't let it hit you so hard that you can't write any more.
- Look around you and enjoy the scenery. Writing is how I analyze life, how I cope with things, how I think. But life is beautiful and without life, there wouldn't be anything worth writing about.
- Change gears accordingly. It can't be NaNo speed every month of the year. Sometimes I write tons of short stories and poems, other times I write a whole novel in 12 days. Sometimes I don't write at all.
- You never forget how to ride a bike. But once you get on a bike after a long time, you might be a little rusty. Be gentle with yourself! Whenever I've taken a break from writing, it takes me a while to get back on a rhythm (I don't take writing breaks often though. Sometimes it's just a day or two, but I don't even stop writing for long periods of time or I'd go even crazier).
- Don't pay attention to the cars--or oh my gosh!--the bikes that will pass you as if you're just walking. Don't try to beat anyone else but the rider you were yesterday or the year before.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Yamile Saied Méndez was born and raised in Argentina, but has lived in Utah half of her life. She's a mother of five, lover of futbol, Irish dancing, and books. She's a free lance writer and a MFA candidate at the Vermont College of Fine Arts. Her musings can be read at www.yamilesm
Friday, April 24, 2015
I like reading books because they answer questions I didn't yet have... #WorldBookDay https://t.co/HXDlGuqlMZ pic.twitter.com/I5v1x6apfFFirst of all, she's an astronaut, and although it's a cliche, I wanted to be an austronaut until I was about sixteen years old. Second, I love miniature books, and the fact that she chose to bring some along to the ultimate adventure just blew my mind. Third, her words; "They answer questions I didn't yet have." So, so true!
— Sam Cristoforetti (@AstroSamantha) April 23, 2015
So here's mine. Two videos of my sweet Teddy Bear, also previously known as Baby Hulk and Miracle Baby, reading Eric Carle's Brown Bear, Brown Bear and Panda Bear, Panda Bear. He's not a little baby anymore, but his status of fifth child has granted him eternal babyhood and favoriteness in our family.
Books saved my life. They make me happy. They make me dream. They make me think and feel. Why are books important to you? Which ones are your favorite?
|I see an adorable gordito reading to me|
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
|He did NOT want a selfie with me|
|Neil on stage|
Neil said he never consciously wanted to be a writer. Instead, he had these very vivid daydreams of him going to an alternate world with a copy of The Hobbit, and then finding an adult to type the whole thing. Getting rid of the witness, and then sending the "manuscript" off to a publisher that would help him become the author of The Hobbit. Or, he wanted to kidnap all of his favorite authors through time and space and MAKE them collaborate on the ultimate novel and then publish it as his own. None of the plans actually involved him doing the work of writing the book though :-)
He said that his favorite birthday present was when he turned 9 and his parents gave him the reading shed he'd asked for. Talk about lucky! I've been dreaming about this modern-sheds so I can have my
|I want a writer shed!!!!|
|Me, fangirling. Photo cred: my son|
Neil has a new book out, Trigger Warning, a collection of short stories. I can't wait to dive into it, but I'm in the middle of Packet 4 preparation. I can't wait to get the critical essays done to get them off my mind!
|THE PURSE!!! Isn't it gorgeous?|
Monday, April 13, 2015
I've also been studying on scene, and one of my VCFA friends recommended THE SCENE BOOK, by Sandra Scofield. It's a treasure trove of advice that's keeping me up at night thinking about my WIP. I've also been up reading Nation, by Terry Prachett and because of some wonderful news I can't wait to share with everyone.
Books. Wonderful books. I love to see them, talk about them, touch them, arrange them in shelves and find them under my kids' pillows every morning when I make their beds :-)
What books are you reading?
Monday, April 06, 2015
I want to link up to some wonderful websites that have helped me tremendously lately. This wonderful blog by Emma Darwin, This Itch of Writing, has the most life-changing advice I've ever read on point of view and psychic distance. I learn of it from my wonderful advisor, Mary Quattlebaum whose help is making me a better writer than I ever thought possible. I also started subscribing to The Skimm, a daily newsletter that gives me the latest news before I start my day. It's April, and that means 30 Days, 30 Stories is in full swing. At least, it should be. In the past a different author published a short children's story, poem, etc, on the blog. This year, there aren't enough tributes, er, volunteers, so the blog has been sadly quit the whole weekend. If you want to participate, please contact Bruce and he'll assign you a day or work things out with you. You don't need to be a writer, or a children's writer to share. It's fun, stress free, and a great way to connect with other people. This is one of my favorite events of the year.
Last of all, I'm energized about Easter Sunday. I miss Christmas in the Southern Hemisphere, Christmas in glorious, beautiful summer. But Easter in the North, with Spring's promise of re-birth and second chances and life, can't be beat. I know that Jesus lives, and I love him, and I'm grateful for another week, another Monday to fight for my goals. And if you need an excuse to smile this Monday morning, here's a little gift. Go ahead and be different!